ASSALAM ALIKUM
Spreading kindness in
the home
Aishah (RA) said: "The
Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:
'When Allah (SAW) wills
some good towards the people of a household, He introduces
kindness among them.'" (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad,
6/71; Sahih al-Jami, 303)
According to another
report:
"When Allah loves the
people of a household, He introduces kindness among them."
(Reported by Ibn Abi al-Dunya and others; Sahih al-Jami, 1704)
In other words, they
start to be kind to one another. This is one of the means of
attaining happiness in the home, for kindness is very
beneficial between the spouses, and with the children, and it
brings results that cannot be achieved through harshness, as
the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) said:
"Allah loves kindness
and rewards it in such a way that He does not reward for
harshness or for anything else." (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab
al-Birr wa'l-Sillah wa'l-Aadaab, 2592)
Helping one's wife with
the housework
Many men think that
housework is beneath them, and some of them think that it will
undermine their status and position if they help their wives
with this work. The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.), however,
used to sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do
whatever other workmen do in their homes. (Reported by Imam
Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Sahih al-Jami, 4927).
This was said by his
wife Aishah (RA), when she was asked about what the Messenger
of Allah (p.b.u.h.) used to do in his house; her response
described what she herself had seen. According to another
report, she said:
"He was like any other
human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and
serve himself." (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256;
al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671)
She (RA) was also asked
about what the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) used to do in his
house, and she said, "He used to serve his family, then when
the time for prayer came, he would go out to pray." (Reported
by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 2/162).
If we were to do
likewise nowadays, we would achieve three things:
* We would be following
the example of the Prophet (p.b.u.h.).
* We would be helping
our wives.
* We would feel more
humble, not arrogant.
Some men demand food
instantly from their wives, when the pot is on the stove and
the baby is screaming to be fed; they do not pick up the child
or wait a little while for the food. Let these Hadith be a
reminder and a lesson.
Being affectionate
towards and joking with the members of the family
Showing affection
towards one's wife and children is one of the things that
leads to creating an atmosphere of happiness and friendliness
in the home. Thus, the Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.) advised
Jabir (RA) to marry a virgin, saying:
"Why did you not marry a
virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with
you, and you could make her laugh and she could make you
laugh?" (The Hadith is reported in a number of places in the
Saheehayn, such as al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 9/121)
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.)
also said:
"Everything in which
Allah's name is not mentioned is idleness and play, except for
four things: a man playing with his wife." (Reported by al-Nasa'I
in 'Ushrat al-Nisa', p. 87; Sahih al-Jami)
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.)
used to treat his wife Aishah (RA) affectionately when doing
ghusl with her, as she (RA) said:
"The Messenger of Allah
and I used to do ghusl together from one vessel, and he would
pretend to take all the water so that I would say, 'Leave some
for me, leave some for me,'" - and both of them were in a
state of janaabah (impurity). (Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi,
4/6).
The ways in which the
Prophet (p.b.u.h.) showed affection towards young children are
so famous, but still need mentioning. He often used to show
his affection towards Hasan and Husain, as mentioned above.
This is probably one of the reasons why the children used to
rejoice when he came back from traveling; they would rush to
welcome him, as reported in the Sahih Hadith:
"Whenever he came back
from a journey, the children of his household would be taken
out to meet him." He (p.b.u.h.) used to hug them close to him,
as Abdullah Ibn Jafar (RA) said:
"Whenever the Prophet (p.b.u.h.)
came back from a journey, we would be taken out to meet him.
One day we met him, Hasan, Husain and I. He carried one of us
in front of him, and another on his back, until we entered
Madinah." (Sahih Muslim, 4/1885-2772; see the commentary in
Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 8/56).
Compare
this with the situation in some miserable homes where there
are no truthful jokes [i.e., jokes that do not involve lying],
no affection and no mercy. Whoever thinks that kissing his
children goes against the dignity of fatherhood should read
the following Hadith:
From Abu Hurayrah (RA)
who said:
"The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.)
kissed al-Hasan Ibn Ali, and al-Aqra Ibn Haabis while al-Tamimi
was sitting with him. Al-Aqra' said: 'I have ten children and
I have never kissed any one of them.' The Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.)
looked at him and said: 'The one who does not show mercy will
not be shown mercy.'"
